blowing

my nose into a napkin that had things written on it probably wasn't the smartest thing that i have done this morning. other than that, the battling of trying to stop things before they become habit and the norm is taking a toll on me. i really don't know what to do. if i take it lightly, then it won't be thought about and will most likely happen again and there i am miserable and upset and further away from getting it as a whole resolved, but if i stick up for myself and try to hold on to some dignity, well then it gets escalated and out of control. then i end up the bad one when all i was trying to do was say "hey, i'm not the bad one! i just got here! i don't deserve this arrest!" i'm afraid of what might grow if i just take it and move on without disputing it. on the work front, a customer that always wants information from me within minutes is just now looking at reports that i sent them in late 2003 - early 2004. my kind words to them next time they need the report within minutes is "FUCK OFF". my hands have a slight bleach smell to them and i can't figure out where it came from. i'm going to blame the lotion.